This is 40

This is 40
If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that I just spent the last weekend of my thirties and had some big feelings. I wanted to share a little more about what I wrote, and I hope it helps someone else who might be considering making a similar shift.

I walked out of the last weekend of my 30s feeling so lucky. Lucky to have my babies, the love of my partner of 18 years, my health, and the love of my framily. I am failing to find the words to describe the joy of celebrating with the village I never thought I would have. If I’m being honest, I went into my 30s struggling. Struggling with depression, failed pregnancies, flailing after leaving a steady career, and I found myself back in therapy after hitting a low point. I am fortunate to have a mother who is supportive as well as a mental health professional. She drove to my apartment in Manhattan to help me find a local therapist who took my insurance and was accepting new patients. I spent years doing the work to try to understand myself and to cope with some of the traumas that may always cause me pain. That’s where I needed to be to get here. I am realizing that as I turn 40, I am the mother of three incredible humans and one very old dog, I started my own business doing what I love, and I am truly the happiest I have ever been. That has not always been the case, and I struggled with post partum depression after the birth of my second son. It made no sense. While I had a traumatic birth with my first son, I continued seeing the therapist who shepherd me through so much. My second birth went smoothly, and I was so happy to hear him cry when he was born, and so happy he was healthy. It was surprising to me when I started feeling crippling anxiety every moment, crying and feeling irritable over trivial things. I thought about going back to my therapist in Manhattan, but we had moved to Connecticut and I had too little childcare and two babies under two. Instead, I told my OBGYN and was prescribed a mild anti-depressant and I weaned off of it after a few months. I don’t think I would have known to do that without the work I had done in therapy, and without the help of my mother. When I had my baby girl, PPD stayed away. However, that was four years ago, and recently I realized that I was not prioritizing my mental health. I prioritize the health of my children, my marriage, my dog, my job, and my physical health. I decided that as I gift to myself, I am returning to therapy. I am not waiting for a low, I’m going back on a high note. If I make time for workouts 5-6 times per week, I can make time to go to therapy once a week. That’s the deal I am making with myself. The best gift I could give those who have shown me so much love, is to never stop doing the work to be the best mother, wife, and friend I can be.

Thank you to everyone who has followed along and supported me in this journey and reached out to me with well wishes and kind words.

If you are considering seeing a therapist, this directory helps you find one in your area who takes your insurance.

If you’re here to find out about the dress, that’s cool too. It’s one sale here and actually really comfortable.

Let’s do this together.




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