I was prepared to write a review on Fashion Week, but instead I’ve decided to address something that was brought up A LOT yesterday.
As I mentioned earlier this week, I scaled down my Fashion Week attendance to one day this season.
For reference, my new mantras are:
Comparison is the thief of joy.
The something that was brought up a lot yesterday was this: “Wow, you’re doing it all / you have it all.” To be clear, I don’t, and no one does. I lightly touched on that when coaxed, but I didn’t go into detail about how I was actually feeling last night because I didn’t want to overshare.
Here is the thing: no one has it all together, and it’s impossible to have it all. Or at the very least, it doesn’t look like it does in movies or Pinterest. Every time someone said this (and I am sure they were just trying to be nice), I kept thinking, “I barely made it here for a day, Eva Chen goes to every show and has two babies and is the fashion director of Instagram so…” WAIT. See mantra #1.
I know I am lucky to attend Fashion Week at all, to have my adorable sons, my kind and insanely handsome husband who just gets me, my mother / best friend, my loyal readers, the list goes on. In reality, the entire night I was anxious and worried about Luke (Lukey, Lukers, or Hammy) because he is cutting his first teeth and really wants mama (that damn Huggies commercial is true AF, the first teeth are the hardest). It started to rain and I didn’t even know what I was wearing. I came thisclose to skipping out to stay home and make meatballs for my family, put my boys to bed, and finish my blog post for the next day over a glass of rose. I consulted my mama tribe via text and was met with a resounding, “just go.” So I went. For the first time ever, it wasn’t a FUCK YES.
I spent so much of the evening checking on my sons cams, and watching Luke cry for me. He had been going to bed so easily lately, and sleeping through 12 hours or more nearly every night since he was 8 weeks old. Then I thought of Eva Chen. If she does this, why can’t I?
I don’t know Eva Chen. At all. I just feel like I do because of social media. The truth is, social media is the highlight reel of people’s lives. I can’t even keep up with it for myself, and I am always in awe of people who can. The Eva Chens probably feel like I do, too. We’re all just doing our best, but whenever we are doing one thing well, another piece is left undone.
Having it all is an illusion. We are supposed to present an image of the perfect career, family life; all of the things. I have felt it in all stages of my life and you probably will too: if you’re single with a burgeoning career, your family members want to know why you don’t have a life partner, and when you’re married they want to know why you don’t have children. Once you have children, they ask about your career. If you seemingly have “all of the things,” are you spending enough time with your kids? It’s a full circle of “shoulding.”
I am focusing on the present as much as I can. If having two kids in less than two years while starting my own blog has taught me anything, it’s that relishing the moment and expressing gratitude are the pinnacles of happiness. The highlight of my week has to be a tie between finding out that the marketing team at Bally knows who I am, and that my sons now make each other deep belly laugh without words.
I’ve noticed that a few bloggers I admire and read regularly have mentioned similar feelings as of late, and it gave me the cojones to say, FUCK YES, I feel this. As I type this blog post, my kids are happily in bed, but I am ignoring my husband. Obviously.
Have a great weekend, friends. You are enough.